Repeat after me “I AM ENOUGH,” whenever you feel the need to chase love, friendship or simple human connection say this mantra first.

Before you read too much into this three-letter mantra, let’s break in down into scenarios. Starting with chasing love, having a partner and family has been a crucial part of society since the beginning. Women use to be courted and marry by a certain age to solidify a place in society. Men must have an heir to inherit and carry on their legacy. 

Jump forward a few hundred years, a family or life partner isn’t crucial, but people still dream of having one or both these notions. It’s almost a standard for peak happiness, yet how can someone be happy, with someone if they don’t love themselves. Better yet if they don’t know that they are enough? 

The answer is simple they can’t, because they will always be chasing love, from their family, partner, friends, occasionally strangers on social media. I know some people will say this is more about validation than love, but society has blurred the lines between these two notions. Since connection with another person is essential even if we have not fully connected with ourself. 

Connecting with oneself 

I do not mean connecting with oneself on the surface, knowing what foods, shows, clothing, music and people we like or don’t like. It is something much deeper than that, such as connecting with self-love and acceptance. Rather than romanticizing these two notions, I want to make them as simple as possible, since they go hand and hand. 

We need to Fall in love with every part of ourself from the positive to the negative because these things make us who we are. Love the fact it takes a minute or two to catch onto a joke or that sometimes you need to step outside reality for a moment. Instead of trying to hide perfectionist tendencies or ADD let it flow with a smile on your face. Take pride in whatever makes you smile and know that no one can take that from you all they can do is add on. In some cases, they may not be able to do that, which is ok. Above all, remember that the mind is separate from who we are and thoughts don’t dictate anything just random burst of emotions. 

That said, I know getting to this point is no walk in the park, therefore try these tips: 

1. When you wake up, tell yourself something positive or look in the mirror, make a funny face or say “dang whose that amazing human staring at me.” 
2. When doubt or negativity arises, don’t spiral. Embrace it and let it go 
3. End toxic relationships, even if they are family or a close friend. They don’t deserve your time or energy. 
4.  Treat others with the same love and respect that you would want to receive, even when you do not always get the same treatment from others or those close to you. 
5. Remember that self-love is a long term game and is always evolving as you do. Don’t give up and keep moving forward.